Fluffy the Vampire Slayer
by BambooShoots
Summary: A parody in which my cat becomes a slayer. There is a cat for almost every character and it's pretty much just a stupid little thing. Please no one hurt me for this.
1. Fluffy the Vampire Slayer

Fluffy the Vampire Slayer  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or any of the Buffy characters. I do own Fluffy, but not in this context. If anyone affiliated with the actual making of Buffy read this, I'm very sorry.  
  
Faith was still in jail after she came out of her coma. She was having some memory issues, otherwise she would've remembered how easy it'd be for her to escape the jail.  
  
The other prisoners didn't like Faith very much. So they decided to kill her. They all got together and killed Faith. Which meant that a new slayer had to be chosen.  
  
The new slayer's name was Fluffy. The watcher's council told Giles to go and tell her about her new career in killing. So he went to LA, where Fluffy lived with her family.  
  
He went to Fluffy's house. It was a very nice house, with a picket fence and a big green lawn (it was actually in a suburb of LA). Giles went up to Fluffy's door and rang the doorbell. What kind of sick people name their child Fluffy, thought Giles.  
  
A teenage girl with long brown hair answered the door. "What?" she said, clearly not all too pleased to see Giles.  
  
"Yes, I'm looking for Fluffy," Giles said, thinking that this girl must be Fluffy.  
  
"Just a minute," the girl said. "Fluffy," she called down the hall, "You have a visitor!"  
  
A tabby cat came and sat in the doorway. The girl walked away. "Is Fluffy coming?" asked Giles.  
  
"That is Fluffy," said the girl. She left.  
  
"Er... Fluffy..." Giles said. Fluffy blinked. "Let's go for a walk."  
  
"Meow," said Fluffy, walking out the door. Giles shut it since Fluffy couldn't reach the doorknob.  
  
"Er... Fluffy, do you know what a Vampire slayer is?" Giles asked.  
  
"Meow," said Fluffy.  
  
"Well, it's one... girl in all the world chosen to keep the dark forces of evil down and all... and it's you!"  
  
"Meow," said Fluffy, who had been having a difficult time cutting through all the red tape involved in enrolling in English-as-a-second- language school.  
  
"Is that all you can bloody say," Giles cried.  
  
"Meow," said Fluffy. (If you spoke Cat, you'd know that Fluffy had actually said, "who the hell are you," "Is this about the dead poodle down the street? 'Cause is swear I didn't do it," "Did you escape from a home or something," and "At least I don't have a Nancy-boy accent like you!")  
  
"That's it, I quit," Giles said, since he didn't understand Cat and it was really pissing him off. He was supposed to be good at everything!  
  
So Giles went back to England. The watcher's council didn't like that much, since Fluffy was the slayer and needed to be trained, so they sent someone else who was "more qualified for the job." His name was Shiles, and he was also a cat, but he had gotten into those English as a second language classes so he was much more compatible than Giles.  
  
Shiles went to the nightclub where Fluffy and her friends hung out. It was called "The Fronze." Fluffy was having a good time.  
  
"Fluffy," said Shiles, "My name is Mr. Shiles. The watcher's council sent me."  
  
"Are you related to Giles?" Asked Fluffy. "'Cause I think you need to get him professional help or something. He was going on about vampires and demons and blahdy blahdy blah!"  
  
"No, no, no, Fluffy! That's all true. You really are the Vampire Slayer." Shiles told her.  
  
"So, I have, like, super powers and stuff? Cool!" Fluffy said. "I want my friends Chillow, Blander, and Bordelia to help me!" So Fluffy told Chillow, Blander and Bordelia about being the slayer, and they thought it was really cool, except for Bordelia who thought it made Fluffy a freak (since she certainly wasn't a wonderful cat/person/thing like some people would like to believe!)  
  
Chillow, the nerdy one, decided that she would do lots and lots of computer research on demons since Shiles, despite being a talking cat with a passion for books, was afraid of technology, and then she decided to learn some spells and stuff. Blander, who was a pretty mundane person all in all, made lots and lots of wise cracks. And Fluffy killed vampires with pointy sticks and sometimes had nice puns to go along. Shiles taught her how to talk, too, since they thought it would be helpful in case Giles ever came back. They all enrolled in English-as-a-second-language school and Shiles became the librarian there.  
  
One day, Fluffy was walking through the cemetery when a vampire-cat type thing came out.  
  
"Hi!" Said the vampire-cat.  
  
"Hi," said Fluffy. "I'm going to kill you now, because you're a vampire and that's just what I do."  
  
"Don't kill me," said the vampire-cat. "I am a vampire-cat with a soul! My name is Gangel."  
  
And Fluffy, since she was a very intelligent cat/slayer, believed him and they began a meaningful relationship in which said vampire-cat could do whatever he wanted without fear of losing his soul. Which was good, because cats have needs too, after all.  
  
Chillow met a nice cat named Boz, who soon found out about the slaying. Boz didn't talk much, be it in English or in cat, but he had a band and he was very good at slaying, even if he did have to repeat English- as-a-second-language school since he skipped a lot before he met Chillow. One day Boz's cousin bit him, and turned him into a werewolf/cat, so they had to put Boz in a special cat-carrier on days when there was a full moon. Chillow got really into the whole demon-supernatural thing and started practicing witchcraft.  
  
Blander had a crush on Fluffy for a while, until he began to date Bordelia. The whole group and Gangel moved to a town called Sunnydale, because LA was boring and Shiles said they needed to be near the so-called hell-mouth anyhow. And they went just to shut up Shiles, because he was very boring when he made his long, dull speeches.  
  
Once in Sunnydale the enrolled in the Sunnydale branch of English-as- a-second-language school, where someone named Nyder worked as principal. Nyder was very, very annoying and they didn't like him at all. He thought that the English-as-a-second-language school was like high school, so he organized a prom and everything, which was very exciting since, being cats, Fluffy and the others had never had a prom.  
  
Chillow and Blander helped each other pick out appropriate prom- clothes (also difficult when one is a cat), but they began making out in their formalwear. And soon it had become a normal, everyday thing for them to do.  
  
Boz and Bordelia found out. Needless to say, they were not very happy about it. Boz decided to forgive Chillow, since Chillow had to put up with his being a werewolf/cat after all, but Bordelia dumped Blander. Bordelia was very hurt (no one did this to her. She was Bordelia, queen of everything!) and called upon Lanyanka, the cat vengeance demon, to give her some vengeance. But that didn't work out for her and Lanyanka lost her powers, becoming Lanya and beginning a relationship with Blander that entailed a whole lot of crazy sex.  
  
They were very happy in Sunnydale for a while, until one night in the cemetery they ran into a girl with a bunch of people. She was slaying vampires with pointy sticks, too.  
  
"Who are you?" Said Fluffy, who had excelled at English-as-a-second- language school.  
  
"Does everyone else see the talking cat?" Asked the girl to her friends.  
  
"Yes," said her male friend.  
  
"My name is Fluffy," said Fluffy. "I am a vampire slayer. These are my friends, Chillow the witch, Boz the werewolf/cat, Blander the... Blander, and Lanya the ex-demon/cat."  
  
"No way!" said the girl. "My name is Buffy, and I am a vampire slayer. These are my friends, Xander, Willow the witch, and Anya the ex- demon."  
  
"Oh," said Fluffy, "and this is Shiles my watcher and Gangel, my vampire/cat with a soul boyfriend."  
  
"Wow! I had a vampire with a soul boyfriend once," said Buffy. "His name was Angel. But he lost his soul when we had sex and left me forever." Buffy sighed.  
  
"Gangel and I can do whatever we want without worrying that Gangel will lose his soul," Fluffy said proudly. "We have sex all the time."  
  
Buffy started to flirt with Gangel, since he was the closest thing to a decent boyfriend she could find right then.  
  
"Hey! That is my boyfriend with a soul," said Fluffy, and she and the others beat Buffy down. Because you never try to steal a cat's man, especially if said cat is a vampire slayer.  
  
Around this point, Boz left town to identify with his inner-werewolf and Chillow turned gay and got together with someone named Fara. Fara was also a witch-cat, and they got into lots of deep and crazy magic. Which was a whole lot of fun if you didn't look at how dangerous it could have been.  
  
Then, Gangel went to hell on business. He promised to be back in a few weeks. And of course, this event meant nothing to his relationship with Fluffy, because it certainly didn't have anything to do with him ending the world or losing his soul. His soul was practically impossible to lose!  
  
But, during this time a very annoying cat named Driley showed up. He was part of covert military operations and wanted to be Fluffy's boyfriend. Fluffy, being much smarter then her human counterpart, immediately saw how dumb and annoying Driley was. So she locked him up in Boz's old cat-carrier and when Gangel came home they did all sorts of awful, horrid things to him.  
  
It was a lot of great and joyful fun.  
  
So Fluffy never died or had any of those silly apocalypses to deal with. She was very happy in her slayer-existence, and she was the best vampire-slayer ever. 


	2. Fluffy Vs. The Bayor

Well, you couldn't go forever being a slayer without some sort of apocalypse happening. After Fluffy and Gangel tortured Driley to death, they were fast approaching Fluffy's prom and her graduation from English-as- a-second-language school. Nyder, being a big retard that he was, had decided to have a whole ceremony and everything, and even though he was a freak and he hated Fluffy he still made her valedictorian of the whole shindig. And, also because he was so stupid, he decided to hold the thing at night.  
  
Which was convenient, because then Gangel got to come and listen to Fluffy's special speech. She'd be the first cat valedictorian in the history of the Sunnydale English-as-a-second-language school. It was very exciting.  
  
A vampire cat named Wike and his insane girlfriend Rusilla decided to get together with a guy called "The Bayor" who was planning to take over the world. They planned their ascension on graduation day and the Bayor made his plans. The Bayor was really some sort of freaky demon thing, but for then he just looked like a really up-tight cat.  
  
Chillow was with Fara already at this point. Boz, however, had come back to beg her forgiveness, so he was running around making moon-eyes at her. Which was a really weird thing to watch a cat do.  
  
Blander was already with Lanya, as well. Lanya had been very upset because she didn't have a prom date, so Blander agreed to go with her. Which, as always in the case of Lanya and Blander, led to the crazy monkey sex they were so famous for.  
  
Shiles even had a date with a teacher-cat at the English-as-a-second- language school. Her name was Henny Valander, and she did some class with computer proficiency. Which was a stupid kind of class to have at a school devoted to teaching people (or cats) how to speak English, but they had it anyway. I suppose a lot of those non-English speaking illegal immigrants had never seen a computer in their third-world countries and needed to know how to use them to get any kind of job whatsoever. Even when you work at McDonalds you have to be able to use a computer, you know. Even if the buttons do have pictures on them.  
  
Fluffy was very distracted around that time because she had to find appropriate formal wear for Gangel, who was going to the prom with her. And she had to find herself the perfect dress. Which was very difficult to do no matter what species you are. But it was particularly hard with Gangel, since he couldn't exactly come in for fittings during normal business hours without fear of bursting into flames and being dead. And then he wouldn't have been a very good prom date, now would he?  
  
If Fluffy hadn't been so swept up in all of that (and you can't blame her for being swept up. Prom/graduation was one of the biggest milestones in her young life, after all!) she might have noticed that there was something odd going on in Sunnydale with Wike, Rusilla and the Bayor plotting. But Fluffy, not having been in an apocalypse situation before, didn't notice. It was probably all Shiles fault for not giving proper Apocalypse-situation training.  
  
So the Bayor, Wike and Rusilla had an easy time plotting, right up until a week before prom, when Fluffy, thinking she was stumbling upon a little-known formal wear shop which may just have that perfect emerald- green dress with all the glitter (cats have dreams, too) walked right into their secret lair. They, being very unoriginal villains, were using an abandoned warehouse. If they had thought of something better they might have avoided all the trouble, but it was too late.  
  
"What are you doing?" asked Fluffy as Wike and Rusilla ran away from the sun streaming in through the open door.  
  
"Close the bloody door," yelled Wike.  
  
"Hey, I know what you two are!" Said Fluffy. "You're vampire cats! But you don't look like a vampire-cat," she told the Bayor. "You look like a very upstanding, if slightly up-tight, citizen. Why, you could be the mayor! If these stupid prejudiced people would hire a cat for a mayor, that is."  
  
"I am the Bayor," said the Bayor. "And those are my minions Wike and Rusilla. Rusilla is crazy."  
  
"Her sire's what did it," Wike said. "He tortured her before he turned her. One of the smartest things that Gangelus did. Of course, then he got his soul and became Gangel. Glad the stupid git is gone."  
  
"Did you say Gangel?" Asked Fluffy. Wike started to say something, but then Fluffy said, "no, shut up! I don't like it when you talk. You're very bitter, and it's annoying."  
  
"Wow," said Rusilla. "She's saying what I've been thinking for years. Stop being so damn bitter, Wike."  
  
Wike pouted.  
  
"Stop arguing, minions! You only argue when I tell you to," the Bayor yelled. Wike and Rusilla cowered in a corner. If they were bad, the Bayor hit them and didn't give them any cookies. "I'm sorry," he said to Fluffy, "usually they have very good manners... oh, well. I didn't get them soon enough, I guess. You have to train minions young, you know, and these two have just come into my care. I'll beat some sense into them yet."  
  
"I don't like you very much," said Fluffy, because she didn't. "And I think you're going to do something bad. But I have more important things to do right now, like look for appropriate formal wear. I'll bring Gangel back later to visit with his old friends."  
  
"We'll still be here," the Bayor said. "If you want, I'll even tell you about my plan to take over the world!" He was very proud of his plan to take over the world. It was his very first plan ever.  
  
So Fluffy went and got Gangel. "Gangel," she said, "while I was looking for formal wear I found some vampire-cats who said they used to know you. They are minions for someone called the Bayor, who is going to take over the world."  
  
"Did you slay them all?" asked Gangel. (After all, it would've been the logical thing for her to do. But in the search for formal wear she'd forgotten all else."  
  
"No, silly," Fluffy said. "I had to go find formal wear. By the way, try on this tuxedo, I think it's your size. Besides, I thought you might want to visit your old friends."  
  
"I didn't have any friends before I met you," Gangel said, confused. "Oh! They must be from before I got my soul back and I was all evil. My name was Gangelus back then, did I tell you?"  
  
"You were evil? Gangel, I think we need to have a serious talk. This is like telling me you'd slept with lots of other girls before you met me."  
  
"But I did sleep with lots of other girls before I met you," said Gangel, not understanding the situation fully.  
  
"What?!" Yelled Fluffy. "And all those times we had unprotected sex! You could've given me something."  
  
"I'm a vampire with a soul, Fluffy. I can't get venereal disease or impregnate people. Except for this once, but that's a long story..."  
  
"You have a kid?" said Fluffy, incredulous. "I don't know how I can ever trust you again..."  
  
"Didn't you know? He's here ever weekend. You took him to put-put."  
  
"Oh, the one in the animal-skins? Who has a tendency to attack people and cut off their ears? Well, I guess it's okay if it's a really cool kid like that."  
  
Soon it was dark and they went to visit Wike, Rusilla and the Bayor.  
  
"Oh, god, it's those two," groaned Gangel. He tried to leave before anyone saw him, but Fluffy wouldn't let him and Wike and Rusilla had already noticed he was there.  
  
"Gangelus!" Yelled Rusilla happily. "You've come back to me. Oh, Gangelus, how I've missed you!"  
  
"It's Gangel," said Gangel, "and I've not come back. Fluffy made me come. I hate you both and I want to watch you die slowly and painfully."  
  
"Be polite, Gangel. We're guests, after all," said Fluffy as she and the Bayor sat on the couch sipping lattés and admiring the new doilies the Bayor had just crocheted. "I still don't like you," she told the Bayor, just to clarify. "But this is an excellent latte!"  
  
"Can I tell you about my plan to take over the world now?" Asked the Bayor excitedly. He just loved telling people about it.  
  
"Okay," said Fluffy reluctantly. She only said yes because if this was going to be a long story then she didn't have to listen; she could just concentrate on her latte. Fluffy was a cat who had a great appreciation for a good latte.  
  
"I'm going to take over the world on the day the English-as-a-second- language-school has graduation—during their graduation actually, and," he began.  
  
"Oh," interrupted Fluffy. "Could you wait until I finish my valedictorian speech? Gangel's coming to see me, and my family is driving up from LA and everything..."  
  
"Oh, sure," said the Bayor. "No problem." And then he launched into a long and detailed description of his plans. Fluffy didn't pay any attention at all.  
  
So finally Fluffy and Gangel left. It took even longer because Gangel had some trouble shaking off Wike and Rusilla, but the Bayor eventually made them go and sit in the corner after threatening them with a flogging and no dessert for a week. That put them in their place.  
  
Soon it was prom time. Fluffy had found the perfect dress, and they'd finally gotten Gangel a tuxedo that fit after breaking into the Formal Wear shop one night. Prom was lots of great fun. They danced and everything, and Fluffy was crowned Prom Queen. Gangel, somehow, was Prom King, which was infinitely odd since he didn't even go to the English-as-a-second-language school. Fluffy suspected the Shiles and Henny had something to do with it.  
  
"Consider it your birthday present," Shiles said.  
  
"You blew all of your money on booze, didn't you?" Fluffy asked him knowingly.  
  
"It wasn't booze!" Cried Shiles indignantly. "It was a rare set of books about this certain breed of demon."  
  
"Books? These must've been some important books. What does this demon do? Spit fire? Shoot poisoned arrows out of its butt?"  
  
"No.... it's the size of a bunny and it looks a lot like a bunny and it doesn't eat and it doesn't move a whole lot and it doesn't hurt anything," Shiles said lamely.  
  
"Like a bunny?" yelled Lanya in fear. "What a horrid, horrid demon. Kill it, Shiles, kill it!" Everyone looked at Lanya funny.  
  
Soon it was graduation day. Gangel had a nice seat right next to Fluffy's family (all of them humans, it seems) and Fluffy gave a very nice speech about how happy she was to finally be able to speak English, because it meant she could insult the humans properly, and how tough it had been since she'd been out slaying demons all the time and screwing her boyfriend with the soul, but she'd done it and it was great fun. Chillow and Blander were also there in their little graduation robes. Bordelia, consequently, had gone to LA, where she moved in with Fluffy's family and became a big time Hollywood actress. (You can frequently see her on Fresh Step commercials.)  
  
Just after Chillow had walked across the stage, the Bayor showed up. "Hi, Fluffy," he called. "I'm going to take over the world now! I really liked your speech."  
  
"Thanks," said Fluffy. The Bayor turned into a big, giant chameleon and ate Nyder. Everyone cheered, until giant-chameleon-Bayor started reeking havoc on them all. (Wike and Rusilla quietly slipped out the back when they realized that Fluffy was going to do her slaying thing now.)  
  
With Nyder dead, all of the students were really happy and didn't really want to kill the giant chameleon that had done the great, wonderful thing, but then the giant chameleon stepped on their cell phones. And that was just going too far. They could put up with it smashing their parents and everything, but you did not mess with their cell phones. So they all ganged up on it and beat it with folding chairs. Then, they threw a graduation luau and roasted it. Giant chameleon, it turns out, is a really great dish to serve at large parties.  
  
"That was weird," said Fluffy. But she shrugged it off and went to have sex with Gangel. Because cats have needs too. 


	3. Fluffy Vs. Flory

After the angry students got rid of the Bayor, Fluffy and Gangel resumed their relationship. Gangel still had weekend visitations with his son, Ronnor. When Ronnor was a baby, Gangel had accidentally hired a really bad babysitter named Moltz, who took Ronnor to a hell-dimension for three days. When Ronnor came back, he was a teenage cat, not much younger than Fluffy herself.  
  
Fluffy took Ronnor to putt-putt again. Then, they went to get ice cream.  
  
"We're out of pistachio," the ice cream man said. Ronnor got pissed and leapt over the counter. He punched the ice cream man and then he tried to chop his ear off.  
  
"Now Ronnor," Fluffy said sternly, "what did I say about chopping off people's ears when you're angry?"  
  
"Only when you say I can," Ronnor said shamefully.  
  
"Very good," said Fluffy. "Now, lets eat as much ice cream as we possibly can since they're out of the flavor we want." So Fluffy and Ronnor both tied up the ice cream man and gorged themselves on the ice cream without even bothering to take it out of the freezer-thing.  
  
"Wow, Fluffy, you're the greatest, even if you are sleeping with my father," Ronnor said. After reading Cinderella he'd been suspicious of any female who wanted to have sex with his dad, but Fluffy had patiently explained that a) that only happened with the silly humans, b) Gangel wasn't going to die, anyhow, c) Ronnor could easily chop Fluffy's ear off if she tried any funny business and d) Fluffy didn't need the money; she had a trust fund from her former owners and had been able to tap into Bordelia's new bank account, where she stole all of Bordelia's Fresh Step commercial money. (Bordelia was too busy getting high off her vision-pain medication to notice. She had acquired visions by making out with some half- demon-cat thing named Royle, who she now lived with. She was no longer in show business since Royle had knocked her up three times already, and she was now fat and had to take care of about twenty kids. She was a cat, after all, and thus had litters.)  
  
Well, Fluffy and Ronnor went back to Fluffy's house to watch cable television. Gangel didn't have cable television, since it would be difficult to get a cable installer man in during the day when he was liable to burst into flames and die, so it just didn't seem worth it. (Both cats, strangely, had whole houses to themselves. No one knew how it had happened.) She and Ronnor were watching VH1-Behind the Music when in walked Fluffy's little sister, Lawn.  
  
That's right! Fluffy had a little sister named Lawn. No one was quite sure where she'd come from, all of the sudden. It seemed like she had always been there, and so they didn't pay much attention to it. They had all these falsely implanted memories of her, after all. But there was still that feeling that she hadn't always been there... mainly, the feeling that said that they hadn't always gone around in the perpetually annoyed state she put them all in. Not even Blander liked her, and he liked everybody. Which should've been their first clue that something was very wrong with Lawn.  
  
"You've been slaying again, haven't you?" Whined Lawn. "You never do anything with me, and you're always hanging out with Ronnor."  
  
"I wasn't slaying. I was stealing ice cream from chubby, middle-aged Pakistani men who had done nothing wrong," Fluffy told her, flipping channels.  
  
"You were bothering Mahmood again? But he sends us Christmas cards and mows our grass," Lawn whined more. (Watching Mahmood, who was also a cat, mow the grass was very interesting.)  
  
"He deserved it," said Ronnor, not looking up. "He had the nerve to be out of pistachio. Pistachio is my favorite!"  
  
"It was mean of him," Fluffy agreed, hugging Ronnor. "After all, you spent a big chunk of your life in a hell-dimension. The least they can do is give you some damn pistachio ice cream."  
  
"You never hug me," Lawn said.  
  
"I don't even want to touch you," Fluffy told her. "Now go away. We're trying to have a good time watching VH1-Behind the Music. And you're ruining it."  
  
"I'm telling mom," screamed Lawn.  
  
"We don't have a mother, stupid. Humans in LA raised me, and no one knows where you came from. Why are we even accepting you as my sister, anyway?" It was the first time this had occurred to Fluffy, but she and Ronnor found it very logical and began to ponder it. Lawn ran off to pout before she got kicked out of the house.  
  
"Can I cut off her ears?" asked Ronnor hopefully.  
  
"Why of course you can!" Fluffy said. "And kill her while you're at it. I don't know why you'd want her ears, but maybe we could burn them in some sort of voodoo thing before she died. I'm sure Chillow would know a nice spell."  
  
"We should do that with my dad. I'm sure the social worker would think that it was appropriate family bonding time. Maybe I could live here every day!" Ronnor had been taken by social workers when they found out he'd been in a hell-dimension. Now he was staying in a juvenile delinquent facility until they decided that Gangel was a proper guardian. It was expected to be soon, since all the people at Ronnor's facility were afraid of him and wanted to see him go. "After she saw us torturing Lawn as one big, happy family, she'd know how great my life here is and then I wouldn't have to go back to the facility."  
  
"They have awful food at that facility," agreed Fluffy, who had visited Ronnor once. "Even though you broke Gangel's and my rules, I can see why you had to chop the ears off of those doctors, cafeteria workers, orderlies and janitors. What kind of crappy social worker deliberately puts a child in that place."  
  
"I'm almost as old as you are, you know," Ronnor said.  
  
"Yeah. That's the only part that makes it weird. But you don't really think of Gangel as your father, either, so I guess we're okay there."  
  
Fluffy and Ronnor both shrugged and went back to watching VH1-Behind the Music. It was all about Mariah Carey. They had a good time throwing stuff at the screen during the annoying or boring parts, mainly popcorn, scrunchies, and tinfoil balls.  
  
About that time someone knocked the front door down. Fluffy sighed. "Lawn, have you been out in public again? You know how that pisses the entire world off, and then they come and yell at me because for some demented reason I'm your guardian."  
  
There was a cat in the doorway. She was a very pretty cat, something of the equivalent of a human with long, blond hair. And she was very, very strong. Not to mention a major fashion-buff. Yes, this was a very trendy, beautiful cat indeed.  
  
"My name is Flory," said the cat. "And I am looking for the Key." If she had been a human she probably would've put her hands on her hips about then. As it was she just glared.  
  
"What key?" asked Fluffy, looking at Ronnor to see if he knew. "A car key? A house key? I'm sorry, but we don't have your key."  
  
"No, no, no," said Flory, exasperated. "It's not an ordinary key like that. It's the Key. It was a big ball of energy and now it's something else. Like, a chair or a car or maybe an umbrella. And you have it. The monks sent it to you for safe keeping."  
  
"I'm sorry, Flory," said Fluffy. "You seem very nice and everything, but I haven't received any packages from monks. The must not have used Federal Express or UPS, because otherwise I'm sure I would've gotten it. Because if you try to use those little package-sending companies, they always lose your stuff."  
  
"And that's why you said I could chop their ears off," finished Ronnor proudly. "Fluffy tried to send me some cookies while boycotting large package-sending companies," he explained to Flory.  
  
"I'll never boycott them again!" Fluffy said.  
  
"The monks wouldn't have told you what the Key was," Flory cried. "But you obviously don't know. If you find out, will you tell me?"  
  
"Sure! Drop by anytime. Just ring the door bell, though."  
  
"Ok! Sometime I'll have to tell you all about my life as a hell-god and my plans to use the Key."  
  
"Ok," said Fluffy. Flory put the door back on and then she turned into a boy cat.  
  
"Crap, where am I," said the cat that used to be Flory.  
  
"Who are you?" asked Fluffy.  
  
"I'm Ken," said the boy cat. "And I have to go back to work, at the hospital. Because that's where I work. Because I'm a doctor. Well, not really, but I like to pretend."  
  
"That's nice," said Fluffy, ushering him out. She turned to Ronnor. "That Flory was nice, but Ken is annoying!" Ronnor nodded vigorously.  
  
"Was that my friend?" Lawn screeched.  
  
"Ow! I think she ruptured my ear drums," Ronnor moaned.  
  
"Shut the hell up, Lawn! You don't have any friends," Fluffy yelled back to Lawn. "Poor Ronnor. Don't worry, we'll cause Lawn all sorts of pain soon. She'll be sorry she was ever artificially thrust into our lives."  
  
Ronnor glared at the ceiling.  
  
"I do to!" Yelled Lawn. "That's why I went out with Kanice on Halloween!"  
  
"Kanice was using you for your money, and she needed a date for her boyfriend's friend. That's the only reason you were invited," Fluffy told Lawn.  
  
"Can we please do something about her now?" begged Ronnor. "She's just not right... hey! I'll bet Lawn is the Key! That's why she suddenly showed up and nobody thought it was weird. She's certainly the only out of place thing around here."  
  
Fluffy's pet elephant Snorky trumpeted his agreement from the back yard.  
  
"Ok! Well, if Flory wants Lawn, why don't we give her to her? It's not like we want her. And maybe once Lawn gets shoved in the keyhole she'll shut up," Fluffy said.  
  
"Good idea, Fluffy. Let's go tell dad after we check to see if Mahmood got that pistachio ice cream yet. It's been three hours, he's had plenty of time to escape from his ropes and fetch it."  
  
So Fluffy and Ronnor went to visit Mahmood, who still didn't have the pistachio ice cream. They beat Mahmood some more and ate more of his ice cream. Mahmood made muffled noises through his gag, prompting Ronnor to threaten to chop his ears off and wave around the big, giant knife that Fluffy had given him for his birthday.  
  
Then they went to Gangel's house. It was a very big house on a hill with lots of trees around it. There were very thick curtains, and Gangel was looking into getting both mirrors and a telephone for when Ronnor finally got to move in full time. (Ronnor was sure to be on the phone with his friends all the time, and they'd probably have to dial 911 eventually. For when Ronnor cut off door-to-door salesmen's ears.)  
  
"Hi son," Gangel said. "Hi Fluffy. So, are we going to do family bonding first and then sex, or sex first and then family bonding?"  
  
"Neither, Gangel! We've got big news!" Fluffy exclaimed. "Some hell god named Flory is willing to take Lawn off our hands permanently. She wants Lawn because Lawn is some kind of freaky key thing and Flory needs Lawn to go home."  
  
"I've heard about the Key," Gangel said. "It'll let in all sorts of hell beasties and then the world will end." He sounded worried.  
  
"So, how do we close the door-thingy?" Asked Fluffy, positive she could find a loophole that would help Flory and end with Lawn's demise.  
  
"Kill Lawn," Gangel said simply.  
  
"Well we can do that!" Fluffy cried. "As soon as Flory leaves, we'll hack Lawn to bits."  
  
"Dibs on the ears," Ronnor said. Gangel and Fluffy smiled at him proudly. He was such a model child!  
  
The next day, with Ronnor back in his facility, Fluffy was watching VH1-Behind the Music alone. Lawn was upstairs in the linen closet, otherwise known as her new room, where Fluffy had locked her. The doorbell rang.  
  
It was Flory. "Hi," she said. "Have you found my Key yet? It only works once."  
  
"Yes! My pretend sister Lawn is your key. But we don't want her. So you can use her, and once you leave I'll kill her!"  
  
"Good plan," agreed Flory happily. "Bring her down and I'll get her ready for the ceremony." So Fluffy went and got Lawn, who had been all tied up in her room.  
  
"Here you go," Fluffy said, handing Lawn to Flory.  
  
"Thanks!" said Flory. "Meet me at the tower the crazy people built, oh, nine-ish, and then we'll sacrifice her and I'll go home."  
  
"Sounds fun," said Fluffy. So she, Gangel, and Ronnor (who got a field-trip pass especially for the occasion) went to the tower. Flory was all ready. She sliced Lawn open so there would be lots of blood to open the portal, and then she went right on home! (Much to Ken's dismay. Now he'd never be a real doctor.)  
  
Just when the world was about to end, Ronnor hit Lawn with a sledgehammer, and she died. So every one lived happily ever after without Lawn. For then, at least. 


	4. Chillow Vs. Pretty much Everyone

Now, Fluffy, Gangel and Ronnor were very happy for a while after they killed off Lawn. Everyone was really, really glad that she was dead ("Wow! I'm so glad that freak Lawn is dead!" said Blander once, pretty much summing up everyone's feelings). They had a big "Lawn is Dead" party to celebrate, where they ate lots and lots of pistachio ice cream and had a water slide and everything! Although the water slide wasn't all that big of a hit since all the guests were cats and there was no pool.  
  
The social workers, after discovering how they'd all killed Lawn as a family and helped out their new friend Flory too, let Ronnor come live with Gangel full-time. Although he was hanging with Fluffy a lot during the day. They were best friends. With each other. Flory was really thankful for all their help and would write them letters from the hell-dimension she was ruling. ("Dear Fluffy, Gangel, Ronnor and the rest of you mere-mortals, today I killed any of my subjects who were disloyal. I've enclosed a few ears for Ronnor. Then I ate pistachio ice cream. Has Mahmood gotten any yet? If he hasn't then you have every right to take his body parts. You know, Ronnor, you really ought to think about expanding your horizons to fingers, toes, tongues and other unmentionables, for those really pesky customers. How's things there in your dimension? Love, Flory.")  
  
And, Chillow and Fara were getting really into their relationship. Fara, for a while, had thought that Chillow was using too much magic. But then Chillow conjured up a foot massager for Fara and Fara realized that you could never use too much magic. Although she did make Chillow go to rehab for using it like a drug. ("No, Chillow! I refuse to date an addict! Where's my crack cocaine?")  
  
Everyone was pretty happy. Blander and Lanya were engaged and everything. They had a wedding set up, and Wike was back in town. Rusilla had left him for another cat/demon. He was heart broken at first, but then turned to booze and hookers for his cheep thrills. And since he was a very shallow cat/vampire anyhow, it worked for him and he didn't have any empty space at all. Or so he told himself and anyone that would listen.  
  
One day Fluffy walked into a demon nest and found a bunch of demons playing poker for kittens. "Kitten poker?" asked Fluffy. "Kittens are stupid currency." Then she noticed that one of the kittens looked just like her! And she followed it home (after making friends with one of the cat/demons playing kitten poker. His name was Zem) and found it living with a loving cat mom and dad in a nice little house.  
  
"My name is Fluffy, and I look just like your kid," Fluffy said.  
  
"You must be our long lost daughter who the humans stole before we saved up enough to get our own place!" Said the mom cat, Mrs. Cat. "You look like such a nice young cat. Welcome to our family. What have you made of your life?"  
  
"I am a vampire slayer. I have a big house all to myself and a vampire boyfriend with a soul. He has a kid named Ronnor who is my best friend ever. And I was valedictorian at my English-as-a-second-language school. I also killed my false little sister Lawn."  
  
"The English-as-a-second-language school the giant chameleon destroyed? Wow! I'd love to meet your boyfriend and his son. And see you doing your interesting work. And we never had a kid named Lawn, but we saw her on the street once. Kudos for getting rid of her so well. You're a real problem solver, sweetheart," Said Mr. Cat. "We sure love you, Fluffy."  
  
"I love you too mom and dad." Fluffy said. And then she went home to watch Muppet Treasure Island.  
  
Soon it was time for Blander and Lanya's wedding. Fluffy, Chillow and Fara were the bridesmaids. Shiles was to give Lanya away while Henny Valander watched tearfully from the front row, masquerading as Lanya's mother. (Lanya, as a former demon, had neither parents nor a last name) and they were having it on a very rainy day which meant that Gangel could safely come. So could Wike. Zem was also invited. Everybody really liked Zem a whole lot. He enjoyed vacuuming and giving people snacks, and hosting poker games. (They'd changed their currency from kittens to body parts, in honor of Ronnor. When the body parts ran low, Ronnor went out to gather more. Or they would just play for Fritos if Ronnor ran out of victims.)  
  
Twenty minutes before the wedding was supposed to start, Blander disappeared. A funky demon who was pissed at Lanya for cursing him was trying to get him to break Lanya's heart. And he succeeded. Blander called off the wedding. Hurt and pissed off, Lanya ran off and became a vengeance demon again, only to discover that she could not grant her own wishes. So, she slept with Wike on a web cam instead. And she discovered that she was really, truly in love with Wike. Wike's empty space, which he'd tried so hard to ignore, filled right up. (Wike had been unable to kill things for quite some time due to Driley's military operatives, so they hadn't killed him yet.) He cried on Lanya's lap about how sad and lonely he'd been. Then she moved into his crypt with him. Blander was justly pissed off and heart broken. He'd wanted to stay with Lanya, but she didn't love him. And now he had an empty place instead of she and Wike.  
  
Zem offered him hors d'ouvres and vacuumed his living room sympathetically. "Look, Blander," Zem said, "I understand you're heart broken, but maybe she'd have been more understanding if you weren't such a slob!" Blander, who was too poor to hire a maid, only cried harder because he hated living in his own filth but was too lazy to do anything about it. "Careful!" Cried Zem. "You're about to spill your booze all over the carpet! And could you not cry on the sofa. It's suede, and I just cleaned it."  
  
About that time, three geeks who had been in Fluffy's class at English-as-a-second-language school decided to take over Sunnydale. Their names were Quarren, Nonathan, and Mandrew. Quarren was the smart one and Nonathan and Mandrew were his stupid minions. But they were in denial so they didn't notice that they were only Quarren's butt monkeys.  
  
Quarren wanted to kill Fluffy, since then he could be king of Sunnydale. So he went and tried to shoot Fluffy in her back yard.  
  
At this time, one of Bordelia's buddies from LA was visiting. Her name was Led and she had been in another dimension, too. She talked too much and she was very annoying. Quarren came into Fluffy's back yard, where Fluffy was about to poison Led with some arsenic and make her die, and started firing his gun. He succeeded in shooting Led instead of Fluffy (which prompted Fluffy to screech with joy and do the hula) and firing a shot through the window and right into Fara, who had just finished having sex with Chillow.  
  
"Fara!" Screamed Chillow. She really loved Fara a whole lot and was exceedingly upset that Fara might be dead.  
  
"That blood is going to be a bitch to get out of the carpet," muttered Zem, who was somehow there.  
  
Chillow rushed to the magic shop that Shiles and Henny Valander owned together and where Lanya worked. She got the dark magic books and stuck her paws inside them and then all her fur turned black and her eyes turned black and she was evil-wicca-cat Chillow! Very, very scary, Chillow.  
  
Chillow decided she was just going to have to kill Quarren and his butt-monkeys. Even though the butt-monkeys had been thrown in jail and had basically nothing to do with the whole thing. They'd still been friends with Quarren.  
  
Lanya jumped up from behind the counter, where she'd been screwing Wike, and asked Chillow what she was doing. Fluffy, Blander, Ronnor and Gangel had just walked in. (It was nighttime.)  
  
"I'm going on a killing rampage," Chillow told them all, shooting sparks out of her fingers.  
  
"Sounds like fun," Fluffy said. "More power to you, Chill."  
  
"I'll help," said Ronnor.  
  
"Now Ronnor, you haven't been invited," scolded Gangel. "Chillow's lover has just been violently murdered. I think that she's going to want to do this on her own."  
  
"Yes, thank you, Gangel," Chillow said. "But I'd like it if you could come along and watch. We haven't had a group outing in a long time." So they all agreed to go along with Chillow. It would be great fun, the decided.  
  
First, Chillow found Quarren. And she ripped his skin off. "Cool!" Cried Ronnor happily. "Could you teach me that sometime, Aunt Chillow?"  
  
"Sure," said Chillow, visiting her magic-junkie place and sucking all the magic-drugs out of Nack the magic-drug-pimp. They went and found Nonathan and Mandrew and killed them slowly and painfully. They really liked that, too. Then Chillow got bored and raised a satanic temple right in the middle of the park, next to the sandbox and the slide. It was a nice touch in the park. She was going to try to end the world, but when she saw that the so-called hell goddess was just a really messed up looking my- sized Barbie which glowed she decided against it.  
  
"That was fun," Gangel said. "Lets all go and get some pistachio ice cream." So the did. They went to Mahmood's ice-cream shop and he was out of pistachio ice cream. They'd have thought that he'd have learned by then, but he hadn't. So they all had to beat him. And Chillow shot little sparks out of her fingers and set strategically placed napkins on fire. Ronnor ran around waving his big giant knife in Mahmood's face. Mahmood cried and begged for mercy until they got out the duct tape and made his mouth go shut.  
  
Boz came back. "Chillow, I still love you," he said.  
  
Chillow looked him over real fast and said, "Okay, I'm not gay anymore." So she kissed Boz and they were back together. Then everyone went home. Boz and Chillow went to the apartment that was formerly Chillow and Fara's to have sex, and Fluffy went home with Gangel and Ronnor watched Muppet Treasure Island while they had sex. Lanya and Wike resumed having sex. Even Shiles and Henny Valander went to have sex at their house. Blander was the only one who wasn't having sex. So he sat around and watched VH1-Behing the Music.  
  
And when everyone was finished, they had a great, giant party called the "Led is Dead" party, which was really cool because it rhymed. They served giant chameleon and did the hula and had a limbo contest. Fluffy's new parents came, and Flory sent them a pot-roast from her hell dimension, and Boz's band played music. Fluffy made a few bucks by renting out all the bedrooms and broom closets to couples (except her parents got to go for free) and Mrs. Cat showed Ronnor how to make a memory quilt out of all the ears he had. Then Mr. Cat went to Gangel's house and hung it on the wall in Ronnor's room. All in all it was a great party.  
  
AN: Any ideas for more big-bads would be greatly appreciated. I'm running low on "Fluffy" ideas but I still want to write more. 


	5. Fluffy Vs The Castor

AN: Yes, I know this isn't exactly how things happened on the show (certain human-counterparts were not around, etc) but I wrote the other chapters first and am really only doing the Master at all because of the vamp-look- alike in the current season.  
  
Well, after the trouble with Chillow killing Quarran, Nonathan, and Mandrew, Fluffy and her friends were ready to settle down quietly for a while. Ronnor and Fluffy's parents had been mass-producing Connor's ear memory quilts, and since Ronnor had no place to put them he had been selling them on E-bay, and making a damn lot of money as well.  
  
Chillow and Boz were back together. It was taking them a while to work things out, since Chillow had developed odd tastes while with Fara, but they were doing fairly well. Boz's band had broken up after Boz, embracing the inner werewolf-cat, had gone psycho on them and killed most of them. He would've tried to recruit new members (in Sunnydale it was oddly easy to get new employees or band members despite the mortality rates) but he had smashed the amplifiers and most of the other equipment including the instruments and didn't have money for replacements. Boz was poor, you see. So he and Chillow were now planning on opening a super-fast Japanese restaurant, which they were planning to call "The Demonic Sushi." Chillow had found some lovely recipes for sushi rolls containing demon meat, and this would be very cost efficient since Fluffy killed demons and all.  
  
Fluffy and Gangel had been using their free time to progress their relationship (read: sleeping together, since cats have needs, too) and hanging out in general. They watched lots of VH-1: Behind the Music a lot, and also Muppet Treasure Island. Fluffy and Ronnor took a crafts class with Fluffy's parents, and Fluffy made a special wicker basket to hold their foil balls in, which came in handy during the boring bits of shows when they wanted to throw things at the screen. But then the crafts teacher ran out of lavender ribbon, which was Fluffy and her mother's favorite color, and so they all got together as a family and beat him up. The class was then discontinued as the teacher had to go to the emergency room. But, being Sunnydale, there were no assault charges.  
  
Wike and Lanya had continued to live in Wike's crypt, and they had sex on a web-cam a lot. Lanya made a profitable website called "Wike and Lanya's crazy sex on a web-cam" which was very profitable. This made Lanya happy, as she liked money.  
  
Zem was around a lot, and did much vacuuming and serving of hors d'ouvres. Flory was also still in touch, and was ruling with great tyranny over her hell-dimension. Everyone was increasingly proud of her success. Blander was still single, and pouted a lot. Zem had moved in with him and was keeping his apartment squeaky clean, no small task. However, Zem had enormous success with women and Blander still had none.  
  
Fluffy and Gangel were patrolling one night (the others had split off, presumably to make out or get pistachio ice cream) when Shiles came rushing up. Shiles and Henny Valander had gone to Vegas and gotten married. Shiles was all excited about something, which frightened Gangel and Fluffy very much. This probably meant that Shiles would make on of his very long and very boring speeches.  
  
"Are you going to be freakishly boring now, Shiles dear?" Asked Fluffy as Gangel's hands began to shake wildly.  
  
"Why, yes, Fluffy I am. How kind of you to ask," Shiles said. "Now, let me begin my tirade by saying that this is very bad. I cannot impress upon you enough how bad this is. It is a very terrible thing. I know we have faced apocalypses before, and narrowly averted them with Lawn's death, but you must not take lightly how bad and terrible this thing is." He went on in this manner for some time. Fluffy and Gangel leaned on each other and began to doze off.  
  
They woke up several minutes later, and Shiles was still on the same subject. "Have I impressed upon you how very, very bad this is? Because it really truly is very, very bad."  
  
"Yes, Shiles, bad. Now what is it that is so awful?!" Fluffy snapped.  
  
"The oldest vampire, the Castor, is in Sunnydale trying to escape. He has many minions and will try to open the hell mouth when he comes out." Shiles told them.  
  
"A vampire? All this fuss for a vampire? Honestly, Shiles, I'll kill it easily. I'm Fluffy, the Vampire Slayer, and I am invincible." Fluffy beamed.  
  
Shiles sighed. Fluffy did not get how bad this was.  
  
Just then, Ronnor ran up. He was very excited about something. Ronnor's social worker still had weekly visits with him and his family, including Fluffy. She thought it was great how Ronnor and his father went out at night on trips, and how Ronnor was best friends with his father's girlfriend.  
  
There was great suspicion that Ronnor's social worker was border-line retarded.  
  
"Fluffy, my social worker says that she'll stop visiting once a week if I pass a final test. I like her and all, but then we can be a normal, social- worker-less family. I have to write a semi-autobiographical play and put it on at the Sunnydale Auditorium. I've got it all planned, but I need you and the rest of the gang to star."  
  
"Great!" said Fluffy. She'd always had a yen for acting, and had been the star of all the plays the neighborhood cats had put on back in LA, before she became a slayer and learned English.  
  
Ronnor booked the Sunnydale Auditorium for his play. He called it "Best Friends. With Each other." The main characters were Jack and Diane (played by Ronnor and Fluffy), two best friends. Diane dated Jack's freakishly young-looking father, and she and Ronnor ran an exterminator business together. They had a weekend stall at the crafts market, where they sold memory quilts from ears, and at night they went out and killed things, and beat people up for pistachio ice cream.  
  
Meanwhile, Fluffy and Gangel began a campaign against the Castor. Fluffy set up a booth on the street corner that said "Say No to Hell-Mouths and the Castor." She handed out anti-Castor buttons, bottles of holy water, stakes and crosses to people. She also had a variety of bumper stickers, sweatshirts, and flags which sold greatly. Chillow and Boz helped by displaying various Anti-Castor signs around their restaurant, which had quickly become the hottest place to eat in town. There were long waits to get in, and it had been given top marks by all the papers. Including, it seems, by the "Sun Times"'s Roger Ebert, who had deviated from his usual job as movie critic to try the new Demonic Sushi craze sweeping the nation. Lanya and Wike put an Anti-Castor pop-up add at the top of their website. Blander, who was frankly becoming very pathetic and fat, wore an Anti- Castor tee shirt to his support group, "Demons made me commitment-phobic," which met every Wednesday evening and had regular outings on the weekend. Zem added a small, "Anti-Castor" seal on the new line of vacuum's he'd invented, which were also best sellers. Shiles and Henny Valander did what they did best, which was research.  
  
Ronnor's play got ready to air at the Sunnydale Auditorium. It was sold out. The playbill went something like this:  
  
Jack, the dashing hero: Ronnor  
  
Diane, his pretty friend: Fluffy  
  
George, Jack's father and Diane's boyfriend: Gangel  
  
Joe-Bob, a fat hick: Blander  
  
Linda, an ex-demon: Lanya  
  
Thurgood, a cleanly demon: Zem  
  
Mike, a smart man: Shiles  
  
Cindy, Mike's wife: Henny Valander  
  
Chris, a vampire: Wike  
  
Amy, an ex-gay witch: Chillow  
  
Dan, a werewolf-cat: Boz  
  
The play opened on a dark night, when Jack and Diane met Joe-Bob in a dark street. The theater was hushed and tense with anticipation, as this was the highlight of their decades. It was pretty sad, considering, but that's what happens when you live in a town with a death rate higher than its population.  
  
"Hello, are you a demon?" Fluffy said, delivering her first line perfectly. She was a great actress, if she did say so herself.  
  
"No." replied Blander, who had minimal lines. It had been discovered, when Ronnor tried to give him a larger part to make him feel better about himself, that Blander couldn't have memorized a fortune cookie. Fluffy's parents held up cue cards for him backstage.  
  
"Well I'm Jack," said Ronnor gleefully.  
  
"And I'm Diane," Fluffy said with enthusiasm.  
  
"And we're best friends!" Ronnor finished, thrusting his arm.  
  
"With each other?" Blander asked, bewildered. He was getting confused by all the bright lights.  
  
"With each other," Fluffy and Ronnor said in unison, nodding and smiling.  
  
The play went on in much this manner, until Jack and Diane staked the head vampire, played by a random vampire they'd found who had been promised he wouldn't really be slayed (they lied), and went to get some pistachio ice cream. There was a standing ovation, and people literally ripped off their ears to toss to the young stars. Ronnor was elated, as this would mean more quilts for his E-bay business.  
  
"That was beautiful," said Ronnor's social worker, who was crying. "The love, the friendship, the carnage! I can see you must be very happy here, Rhonda dear." She put a big check mark on her clip board, which appeared to hold a coloring page of the circus. "And you looked so lovely in that yellow dress," she added to Gangel. Everyone tried to figure out what she was talking about, and why she had called Ronnor "Rhonda."  
  
That was when a big, fat, Persian cat vampire walked through the door. "I am the Castor, king of the vampires, and I shall kill you all now! Then I'll open the hell mouth and rule the world."  
  
"Doesn't he look like Mr. Tinkles from Cats and Dogs?" asked Blander, not really getting it. He'd been on depression medication since he'd tried to make out with the leader of his support group, who was both male, old and married, and it made him a little stupid.  
  
Fortunately, everyone in the theater had received a cross, bottle of holy water, and Anti-Castor button upon entering the play. They became an angry mob, since the stars of the greatest play ever had told them this thing was bad, and began dousing him with holy water and poking him with the crosses. Eventually the undead members of the mob had to drop out due to cross fire, but they threw the holy water bottles left over from a safe distance.  
  
The Castor eventually had so much holy water and cross burns that he exploded in a cloud of dust, leaving only his bones, which were strangely left behind. Ronnor gathered them, since he thought he could make something nice out of them.  
  
After the angry mob had subsided its indignant yells of "how dare he, on their big night?" and "I won't stand for it!" a snappy looking cat approached Fluffy and Ronnor.  
  
"I'm Chuffy, I'm from network television, and I think 'Best friends. With Each Other.' would make a great sitcom. We'd like you two to star, but other actors for everyone else. Because, frankly, I think that Blander is too stupid, even for TV."  
  
"We can't leave Sunnydale," Fluffy said. "We have prior commitments here."  
  
"Okay, we'll shoot in Sunnydale. It's the only place to find appropriate vampires and demons anyhow. We would like to make the other actors human, though, because acting cats who speak English are hard to find. I have some from Japan, and a few Venezuelans, but their English is terrible, since it's not their human's native language," Chuffy said.  
  
"Whatever," said Fluffy. She was just happy to finally be an actress. Chuffy, Ronnor and Fluffy agreed that Fluffy and Ronnor would write the show, and then star in it. All in all it would be less work than English-as- a-second-language school, so there'd be plenty of time for slaying and ear memory quilts. Chuffy cast Sarah Jessica Parker as Lanya's character, Billy Bob Thornton as Blander's character, Winona Ryder as Chillow's character and Orlando Bloom as Wike's character, who would be a dashing womanizer on the show. It was predicted to be a hit, and the play it was based upon went straight to Broadway after receiving smash reviews, including one from Roger Ebert.  
  
Chillow and Boz's restaurant continued to do very well, and people who liked good food and restaurants came from all over the world to sample it. Chillow and Boz put out those little "how was our service" cards, and everyone said that the food was wonderful, would Chillow please put out a cookbook, or place her sushi in grocery stores?  
  
Lanya and Wike's website became the top rated site of its kind, which was impressive considering the amount of sites of that kind out there.  
  
Henny Valander and Shiles began discussing children.  
  
Gangel and Fluffy's relationship continued to blossom, as they were very much in love and the sex was good.  
  
Blander and Zem were soon offered a show of their own, but only after Blander got off his medication when he and a girl in his support group began going out. Blander and Zem's show was like "The Odd Couple," only with a demon and a cat. It was also predicted to be a big success, especially by Ebert, who had apparently ditched his movie column to write exclusively about Fluffy and the gang's exploits.  
  
The play was just that damn good. 


End file.
